she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
