you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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