after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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