guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
