Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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