I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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