After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
