They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize