I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
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Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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