So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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