theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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