Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
