very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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