he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
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Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
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