I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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