ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
