I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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