So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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