Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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