I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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