you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
