The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
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Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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