He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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