i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
