You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
