So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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