highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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