My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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