I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
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I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
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He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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