Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
