im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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