i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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