you're like a bully in the Christmas story
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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