I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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