the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
