I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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