I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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