I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
