I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
