At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
