I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
