I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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