I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
