As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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