Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
