You don't have asthma, your pregnant
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
