i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
