We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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