Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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