Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
