I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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