12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
