you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
