I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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