I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize