i used baking grease as lip gloss
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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