apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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