I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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