Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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