3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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