WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
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I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
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There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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