Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My vagina is officially offended.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
