I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
