My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
