Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
