just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize